It is so hard to bury someone so young. I sadly consider myself a professional about it, as I worked in the funeral industry for almost 8 years. I worked for a company that ran and maintained around 30 cemeteries through out the state of CT. Some funerals are harder than others to attend, and funerals for young adults and/or children are always the hardest. I can remember having to supervise funerals when I was pregnant with Ry. One really sticks out in my head because it was a baby loss funeral. I was around 7 months pregnant at the time and felt horrible being so obviously pregnant when this family was burying their pre-term still born. It was one of the hardest things that I have gone through at work. I cried right along with the parents while holding my stomach praying that I would never have to go through that.
Fast forward a couple of years, and I have lost 3 babies with in less than a year. None of my babies where buried. I don't even know what the hospital did with one of the twins. Two of them I passed on my own with out even knowing that was what it was.
I have been working on my family tree as well as Tim's. It hurts me to see so many other tree's that leave out Stillborn and Infant/toddler deaths. They were a part of the family, no matter how long they lived. I am trying to figure out how to add my miscarriages to my tree, as they were a huge part of my life no matter how long I actually carried them!
On a different note, I find myself sinking into depression again. The lack of sun here lately is killing me. I need the sun out!!! (So mother nature, if you are listening, enough with the cloudy and rainy days please.) I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive & Bi-polar as a teen. I went med free for almost 5 years, before asking to be put back on them for PPD. It has now been around 1 year that I have been off of them again. It is a hard struggle to find medications that work, and that you don't feel all zombified out on. I think that is one of my biggest struggles right now. But I find that blogging has helped with handling my depression as I have found an outlet for my feelings and emotions. So to those that actually read these, I thank you for helping me! If no one is reading these, well, thank you for helping me anyways, Lol.
But anyways, here are some recent pictures of all of us :)
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| Me |
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| Tim getting ready for Jessica's funeral |
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| Timmothy and his Gameboy :) |
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| Me & Ry :) |
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