It's been a while

So wow, it has been a while since I have posted!  Sorry about that, I guess life has been busy.
Everything here for the most part has been good.  Tim is back working (YAY!!!!).  So between the crazy shifts I worked and his long ass hours, we were hardly seeing each other.  BUT that changed today.  I quit my job this morning!!!!

I have been working doing home health care for a "friend" of mine.  I started right before I lost the babies.  I was actually at work when the miscarriage started.  But anyways....  I absolutely adore the lady I was taking care of.  She is a sweet heart.  We shall call her P.  P has dementia, COPD, and diabetes.  When P is having her good days, she is such a sweet heart (yes I know I already said that).  Well, after I started miscarrying, I was told to take a couple of weeks off from work until everything was done.  I didn't listen and only took one day off, but getting that one day off was a pain in my ass.  I have always been available to cover for the other girls working there.  A lot of times, I was notified that day that I was needed to cover.  But it seems to me that when I needed someone to cover for me no one could.  When we had the stomach bug a couple of weeks ago & Ry could not go to daycare, no one could cover & I was told to bring my sick toddler to work with me.  Well, I spent Friday night in the ER for bronchitis.  I started trying to find coverage for my shift yesterday first thing Saturday morning (or at least when the meds didn't have me knocked out!).  Well surprise surprise........  NO ONE COULD COVER.  I was texting with my boss on and off Saturday and around evening time, she told me to come to work even though I was sick.  I kept telling her that I couldn't.  I have a note from the Dr and there was no way I would be able to take care of P.  My boss never texted me back after that on Saturday.  I sent her a text Sunday morning wanting to know what was going on.  Her first response was telling me not to worry about it, that she was working.  Then a couple of minutes later I got another text from her that I very quickly figured out was not supposed to be sent to me.  It said "Fuckin bitch just texted me what is going on I said dont worry about it im not asking ______ after a 24 hr shift and in bold i wrote _____ works 2 jobs and she deserves a break! Soooo I guess we arent going 2 New Hampture and im working so im like dont worry about it should have ended with u friggen bitch".  I feel like I have been taken advantage by her.  I was asked last week after I worked my 24 hour shift to add another 8 hours onto it so she could have the day off.  I was also called last minute twice to see if I could cover for _____.  I couldn't cause Tim was at work and got chewed out over it.  Well after the text this morning, I texted her back saying that I was glad that now I know how she feels about me and that I would sent Tim up to get my paycheck.  I also said that she needed to find someone else to work my shifts.

So I have learned a very valuable life lesson today.  NEVER WORK FOR YOUR "FRIENDS".  Not only do I no longer have a job, but I am no longer going to be attending the prayer circle that I was going to.  It is held at her house and I really don't feel comfortable going anymore.  I feel as if I have lost more than just her friendship, but part of my family.  It sucks for me because I really came to love some of the people in the prayer circle.   You live you learn.

Life Continues

Life continues to go on as usual.  Tim & I had the sad task of burying a friend on Sunday.  She was such a wonderful person.  We will  miss Jessica.  Here is the link to her obituary:http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/hartfordcourant/obituary.aspx?n=jessica-lynn-young-perrier&pid=157434564 .


It is so hard to bury someone so young.  I sadly consider myself a professional about it, as I worked in the funeral industry for almost 8 years.  I worked for a company that ran and maintained around 30 cemeteries through out the state of CT.  Some funerals are harder than others to attend, and funerals for young adults and/or children are always the hardest.  I can remember having to supervise funerals when I was pregnant with Ry.  One really sticks out in my head because it was a baby loss funeral.  I was around 7 months pregnant at the time and felt horrible being so obviously pregnant when this family was burying their pre-term still born.  It was one of the hardest things that I have gone through at work.  I cried right along with the parents while holding my stomach praying that I would never have to go through that.  


Fast forward a couple of years, and I have lost 3 babies with in less than a year.  None of my babies where buried.  I don't even know what the hospital did with one of the twins.  Two of them I passed on my own with out even knowing that was what it was.  


I have been working on my family tree as well as Tim's.  It hurts me to see so many other tree's that leave out Stillborn and Infant/toddler deaths.  They were a part of the family, no matter how long they lived.  I am trying to figure out how to add my miscarriages to my tree, as they were a huge part of my life no matter how long I actually carried them!  


On a different note, I find myself sinking into depression again.  The lack of sun here lately is killing me.  I need the sun out!!!  (So mother nature, if you are listening, enough with the cloudy and rainy days please.)  I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive & Bi-polar as a teen.  I went med free for almost 5 years, before asking to be put back on them for PPD.  It has now been around 1 year that I have been off of them again.  It is a hard struggle to find medications that work, and that you don't feel all zombified out on.  I think that is one of my biggest struggles right now.  But I find that blogging has helped with handling my depression as I have found an outlet for my feelings and emotions.  So to those that actually read these, I thank you for helping me!  If no one is reading these, well, thank you for helping me anyways, Lol.  


But anyways, here are some recent pictures of all of us :)

Me 

Tim getting ready for Jessica's funeral

Timmothy and his Gameboy :)

Me & Ry :)