I haven't written in a couple of days. Life has been So/So. I have been incredibly moody A.K.A Miss Bitch a lot. I am blaming the pregnancy hormones that are still in my body.
My D&C is scheduled for Friday morning at 8:45 am. We have to be there at 7:15 am. It should be a fun morning as this Momma can't have any food or drink after midnight. I am so not a morning person and just about everyone in my house knows not to come near me before I have at least 2 cups of coffee. I am happy that there is finally a "end" in sight for this part of my journey. It will be nice to have my hormones level off again, to be my normal bitchy self, lol. I am my own worst enemy most of the time. I have broke down in tears several times this past week out of no where. The first was when I saw a picture of a positive pregnancy test and just a little while ago when I saw an ultrasound picture. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for both women! It is just hard for me to see it right now.
The boys are doing great. We have updated the empty fish tank into the Crabitat for the boys and got a couple more crabs for them. Every day Timmothy comes home from school and goes straight to the tank to see them. Once I can figure out exactly what they need, I will teach him to help care for them. I will upload pictures another time of it.
But it is after Midnight and I have to be up bright and early at 6am, so I will probably blog some more tomorrow & maybe get some more pic's up.
Light and Love,
Erin
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter Everyone <3
I hope every one has a good Easter. We are staying home and having a quiet day.
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| Timmothy waiting for the hunt to start. |
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| Ry wasn't quite sure what to do. |
Saturday, April 7, 2012
A little more about me :)
So I know I started out with the heavy stuff yesterday and figured I would give you a little more about me and my history.
Like I said yesterday I am 29 years old with 2 boys and a great husband.
Timmothy was born on June 3, 2003. He was 7lbs even and was delivered vaginally. When people ask if I had a natural child birth, I say I had a natural child birth on drugs as my epidural did not work. They tried and tried, but it didn't work. I was induced with Timmothy at 42 weeks. The induction was horrible. I went in the night before and after over 18 hours of labor he was born. When he was born he inhaled Meconium and was not breathing on his own. They got him to start breathing, gave him to me for a couple of minutes then off to the NICU he went. It was 4 hours later when I was finally able to see him. After that I refused to let him out of my sight. Once we got home from the hospital, I tried to breast feed. I had a horrible support system for it and no one in the hospital even attempted to help me, so with in a week at my pedi's urging, I quit. I was 20 years old and didn't know any better than to listen to what the pedi said. Timmothy followed the CDC's recommended vaccination schedule up until he was 5 years old when he suffered a bad reaction to them. He was rushed to the ER one night following his 5 year vaccines for having unexplained seizures, a high (like almost 105) fever, and was lethargic and non-responsive. We spent just over 36 hours in the hospital with him while they ran all sorts of tests. All of the tests came back inconclusive. Turns out it was all a reaction to the vaccines he had gotten about 48 hours prior to the whole thing. Since we have stopped vaccinating he has been healthier than every!! When he was a baby he constantly had ear infections, sinus infections, severe asthma, and was even diagnosed with sleep apnea. By the time he was 3 years old he had had two surgeries, one to remove his adniods (the supposed cause of the apnea) and one to put tubes in his ears to help stop the infections. He was constantly sick as a young child as well, with URI's and the ear infections continued. I couldn't even tell you how many days of school he missed. This school year, he has missed one so far!!! I co-slept/bed-shared with him until he was 4. I never had any issues or problems with doing so. He is my Big boy now!!!
Riley was born on August 6, 2010. He weighed in at 7lbs 4 oz. He was my C-Section baby. I was diagnosed with Crohns after Timmothy was born and it is medically necessary for me to have C-sections from now on :(. He breast fed until he was 3 months old when my supply tanked after I started to work again. Riley is Vaccine free (except for the first HepB shot at the hospital). Health wise, he only suffers from allergies. He is my cloth diaper baby as well. For the first 6 months we used disposables and could never clear up his diaper rash for good. Some of my friends in a mother group I joined used cloth and recommended I try them. With in the first 2 days of using cloth the rash was gone!!! He is also extended rear facing in his car seat. I still co-sleep/bed-share with him and probably will until I either have another baby or he decides he doesn't want to anymore.
I met Tim when I was 16 years old. I never thought at that time that we would ever be together but boy was I wrong. We lost touch for a couple of years and saw each other again when I was 18. We hit it off right away and have been together pretty much ever since. Our relationship has been rocky at points, but we always seem to work through it. I love him with all my heart and can't imagine being with anyone else.
So that is more about me and my family. I am sure that I will blog more about cloth diapers and extended rear facing as time goes on. I am a huge natural parenting, breast feeding, non-vaxing, cloth diapering, extended rear facing, and non-circumcising advocate.
Like I said yesterday I am 29 years old with 2 boys and a great husband.
Timmothy was born on June 3, 2003. He was 7lbs even and was delivered vaginally. When people ask if I had a natural child birth, I say I had a natural child birth on drugs as my epidural did not work. They tried and tried, but it didn't work. I was induced with Timmothy at 42 weeks. The induction was horrible. I went in the night before and after over 18 hours of labor he was born. When he was born he inhaled Meconium and was not breathing on his own. They got him to start breathing, gave him to me for a couple of minutes then off to the NICU he went. It was 4 hours later when I was finally able to see him. After that I refused to let him out of my sight. Once we got home from the hospital, I tried to breast feed. I had a horrible support system for it and no one in the hospital even attempted to help me, so with in a week at my pedi's urging, I quit. I was 20 years old and didn't know any better than to listen to what the pedi said. Timmothy followed the CDC's recommended vaccination schedule up until he was 5 years old when he suffered a bad reaction to them. He was rushed to the ER one night following his 5 year vaccines for having unexplained seizures, a high (like almost 105) fever, and was lethargic and non-responsive. We spent just over 36 hours in the hospital with him while they ran all sorts of tests. All of the tests came back inconclusive. Turns out it was all a reaction to the vaccines he had gotten about 48 hours prior to the whole thing. Since we have stopped vaccinating he has been healthier than every!! When he was a baby he constantly had ear infections, sinus infections, severe asthma, and was even diagnosed with sleep apnea. By the time he was 3 years old he had had two surgeries, one to remove his adniods (the supposed cause of the apnea) and one to put tubes in his ears to help stop the infections. He was constantly sick as a young child as well, with URI's and the ear infections continued. I couldn't even tell you how many days of school he missed. This school year, he has missed one so far!!! I co-slept/bed-shared with him until he was 4. I never had any issues or problems with doing so. He is my Big boy now!!!
So that is more about me and my family. I am sure that I will blog more about cloth diapers and extended rear facing as time goes on. I am a huge natural parenting, breast feeding, non-vaxing, cloth diapering, extended rear facing, and non-circumcising advocate.
Friday, April 6, 2012
My Story
I am not even sure where to start this, but here is goes.....
My name is Erin. I am 29 years old. I have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys, Timmothy who is 8 and Riley who is 19 months. I have been with my Husband Tim for almost 12 years.
This part of my story is hard for me to write. I have not really talked about this other than to close friends or family.
On February 23, 2012 we found out that we were pregnant. We had not been trying so it was a complete surprise. After the initial shock wore off, we were both thrilled. I started developing the common pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and my breasts were tender. We had decided not to tell anyone until after our first OB prenatal appointment. Life went on as normal for the next week, I started my new job, took care of the boys, and was enjoying being pregnant.
On February 29, 2012, my 2nd day of work, I started cramping and bleeding. I called my OB and they wanted me to go get my HCG levels checked. They also wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next day. I called Tim panicking. There was a snow storm that day. I remember driving to the lab with out any issues but driving back to work was a different story. I spent that night at a friends house close to where I worked because the roads where bad. The cramping got worse through out the night and I had started to pass large clots. The next morning, I drove home and picked up Tim and Riley and off we went to the OB appointment. When we got there, we went into for the ultrasound. After about 5 minutes the tech asked me if I was sure I had my dates right. I said yes. I chart, I know my dates. She showed me the screen, it was empty. I had lost my baby and had passed it with out even knowing the night before. We then went into the Doctors office to talk with him. He had told me that it was natures way of weeding out sick and unhealthy babies. Umm, way to talk to a mom who just lost her baby. He was not very sympathetic or even empathetic. He prescribed me some medication to help with the pain that I was still having and gave me a lab slip to have my HCG levels rechecked the following week to make sure they went back down. I was lost. My world had just crumbled around me. This was not my first loss, but I was taking this one a lot harder.
Fast forward 2 weeks. I did not go and get my blood work done on the day I was supposed to. I didn't want to go at all, it was just going to remind me of the baby that I was never going to have. Well, the doctors office called and I got chewed out for not having it done, so I went that day. I got a phone call the next day, saying I needed to come in ASAP as my levels were not going down, but up! I was still pregnant. I went in the next day for another scan. This one actually showed something. There was a gestational sack and what looked like a fetal pole. But it was not measuring correctly. Again, I went into the Doctors office and was told that it did not look good. That the chances of this baby making it were slim. I went that day to get more blood work done. My HCG levels were still rising so the Doctor gave this baby a better chance. We still were not telling anyone. I tried not to get excited. I tried not to get my hopes up.
Fast forward another week. We went in for our weekly scan at the Doctors office. The tech was still drilling me about me getting my dates wrong. When she started the scan, she was taking her time. She never once looked up at me for the first 5 minutes. She then turned the screen around. There was my 2nd baby, but there was no heartbeat. I had now lost both of them. I am so thankful that Tim was there with me that day. I don't know what I would have done. I went in and saw the Doctor again. We talked about what my options were. They wanted me to have my HCG checked again and wanted me to come in for another scan the following week.
This past month has been a roller coaster for me. To go from finding out I was pregnant and then a week later to lose the baby, then two weeks later finding out that it was twins and I was still pregnant, to loosing that one as well. I have not passed the 2nd baby yet, and am scheduled to have a D&C done. I would love for my body to do what it is supposed to do and pass the baby on my own.
Not a lot of people know what we have been going through and I am finding it easier to talk about as the time goes by. But not a day goes by that I do not think about my two Angels. I have found a great support system through a Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/lilangelshankies . Now that I have written this all out I do feel a little better, but I know that this journey is still just beginning.
This is the Willow Tree Angel Of Remembrance. I bought this for my Angels. So I will always have something from them.
My name is Erin. I am 29 years old. I have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys, Timmothy who is 8 and Riley who is 19 months. I have been with my Husband Tim for almost 12 years.
This part of my story is hard for me to write. I have not really talked about this other than to close friends or family.
On February 23, 2012 we found out that we were pregnant. We had not been trying so it was a complete surprise. After the initial shock wore off, we were both thrilled. I started developing the common pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and my breasts were tender. We had decided not to tell anyone until after our first OB prenatal appointment. Life went on as normal for the next week, I started my new job, took care of the boys, and was enjoying being pregnant.
On February 29, 2012, my 2nd day of work, I started cramping and bleeding. I called my OB and they wanted me to go get my HCG levels checked. They also wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next day. I called Tim panicking. There was a snow storm that day. I remember driving to the lab with out any issues but driving back to work was a different story. I spent that night at a friends house close to where I worked because the roads where bad. The cramping got worse through out the night and I had started to pass large clots. The next morning, I drove home and picked up Tim and Riley and off we went to the OB appointment. When we got there, we went into for the ultrasound. After about 5 minutes the tech asked me if I was sure I had my dates right. I said yes. I chart, I know my dates. She showed me the screen, it was empty. I had lost my baby and had passed it with out even knowing the night before. We then went into the Doctors office to talk with him. He had told me that it was natures way of weeding out sick and unhealthy babies. Umm, way to talk to a mom who just lost her baby. He was not very sympathetic or even empathetic. He prescribed me some medication to help with the pain that I was still having and gave me a lab slip to have my HCG levels rechecked the following week to make sure they went back down. I was lost. My world had just crumbled around me. This was not my first loss, but I was taking this one a lot harder.
Fast forward 2 weeks. I did not go and get my blood work done on the day I was supposed to. I didn't want to go at all, it was just going to remind me of the baby that I was never going to have. Well, the doctors office called and I got chewed out for not having it done, so I went that day. I got a phone call the next day, saying I needed to come in ASAP as my levels were not going down, but up! I was still pregnant. I went in the next day for another scan. This one actually showed something. There was a gestational sack and what looked like a fetal pole. But it was not measuring correctly. Again, I went into the Doctors office and was told that it did not look good. That the chances of this baby making it were slim. I went that day to get more blood work done. My HCG levels were still rising so the Doctor gave this baby a better chance. We still were not telling anyone. I tried not to get excited. I tried not to get my hopes up.
Fast forward another week. We went in for our weekly scan at the Doctors office. The tech was still drilling me about me getting my dates wrong. When she started the scan, she was taking her time. She never once looked up at me for the first 5 minutes. She then turned the screen around. There was my 2nd baby, but there was no heartbeat. I had now lost both of them. I am so thankful that Tim was there with me that day. I don't know what I would have done. I went in and saw the Doctor again. We talked about what my options were. They wanted me to have my HCG checked again and wanted me to come in for another scan the following week.
This past month has been a roller coaster for me. To go from finding out I was pregnant and then a week later to lose the baby, then two weeks later finding out that it was twins and I was still pregnant, to loosing that one as well. I have not passed the 2nd baby yet, and am scheduled to have a D&C done. I would love for my body to do what it is supposed to do and pass the baby on my own.
Not a lot of people know what we have been going through and I am finding it easier to talk about as the time goes by. But not a day goes by that I do not think about my two Angels. I have found a great support system through a Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/lilangelshankies . Now that I have written this all out I do feel a little better, but I know that this journey is still just beginning.
This is the Willow Tree Angel Of Remembrance. I bought this for my Angels. So I will always have something from them.
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